Do You Have a Line of Defense Against Criticism and Insults?

Nothing cuts into the core of one’s self-esteem and confidence like criticism and insults.

Dealing with criticism is difficult for anyone. It\’s even more daunting for someone who struggles with insecurity. The least little reproach can cause them to fall four steps backward.

Except for when it\’s constructive, people use criticism as an offensive and defensive weapon.

When used offensively its purpose is to damage its victim. As a weapon of defense, its purpose is to hurt others to prevent from being hurt or to hide behind.

This was my experience one morning while on my way to work; being criticized because someone didn’t want to take responsibility for their choices.

A train was pulling into the station as I was walking down the subway steps. I decided I would not rush to catch it.
However, when I reached the platform, the train was still there, so I tried to make a go for it.

It didn’t work.

The attack
As the train pulled away, a lady behind me said, “Some people are so slow.” My gut feeling was she was talking about me. Since I wasn’t certain, I ignored the comment and keep it moving. However, as I walked passed her she mumbled “slow bitch.”

I thought about what she said and how I should respond.  I came to the conclusion I was not the cause of her missing the train because:

• Upon entering the station, there are three boards showing the arrival times of the trains. One of them flashes huge red letters to get your attention. All three showed a train was pulling into the station.
• The other side the stairway was empty. She could have used it to get to rush ahead to the platform.
• She could have taken the clue from the guy who suddenly jumped out of the line and leaped to the platform and followed his lead.
• Instead of trying to get on through the same doors as me she could have used the other doors.

This lady was upset with herself for missing the train and instead of owning up to it; I became her scapegoat. She used criticism as a defensive weapon, yet knowing that didn’t stop her statement from upsetting me.

Since it was early in the morning and I didn’t want her comment to ruin my day, I needed to get it out of my system.

The typical advice wasn’t working.

• Ignore her.
• Those are only words, shake it off.
• Learn not to let people get to you.

I will be honest, I wanted to show her how much of “slow bitch” I was. But that’s not my character. Besides, there are all these laws against beating the crap out of people.

The only way I could let it go was to pray and ask God to help me. I asked Him to take away the anger and pain and to replace it with His peace that goes beyond my understanding. It worked.

Developing a plan of defense

That situation taught me the importance of having a plan of defense.

The world will never be free of criticism thus, we must develop a system to prevent it from affecting our confidence.

Do you have a plan of action for responding to criticism and insults? If not, these are some suggestions:

• Try to understand the reason and purpose of the insult or criticism. Wisely decide on a course of action which might be to simply hold your peace and walk away.
• Get to know yourself. Learn what easily offends or triggers a reaction.  Then develop strategies to sustain yourself during those times.
• Write and recite affirmations to strengthen your belief system. One of my affirmations is “I am not concerned with people’s opinions of me.” It works if you work it.
• Find Scriptures that will maintain you in tough times. I keep Psalm 46:5 on my computer desk, “God is with her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.”

What other plans of defense can you think of?