Three Ways to Stop Regrets From Haunting Your Life

Frank Sinatra sang, \”Regrets, I have a few, but then again, too few to mention.\”  While the words sound inspiring in the song, in reality, these words are far from the truth. Everyone has regrets, and most people cannot dismiss them easily, as implied by the song. But there is hope; you can stop regrets from haunting your life.

Regrets, if allowed to fester, will be constant reminders of things that have gone wrong.
My career choice has been a regret that has plagued me for years.

My aspirations to work with private employers business after graduating from college were not encouraged. Instead, I was bullied and manipulated into working for a government agency. I was young, dependent, and lacked experience standing up for myself. So, I bowed to my family’s pressure.

I guess I can understand their reason. In New York, municipal agencies complied with the law and did not fire employees based on race. This gave People of Color something we rarely had: job security.

It was my intention to stay there for a short time. Then life happened: marriage, children, divorce, and single parenting. With each transition, it became easier for me to say, “This isn’t the time to leave.” And before I knew it, years had passed.

I must admit, this career has blessed me. Four months after graduating from college, I moved out of my parents \’s house and into my apartment. I was never unemployed, and I received numerous promotions.

However, there were always times when I felt I could have done better if I had followed my plans, particularly when I saw others looking like me succeeding in private companies.

Allowing regret to dominate my life

At times, I became angry with myself for listening to others\’ opinions. I understand they have
been worried about my financial stability. Yet, who can say I wouldn’t have been financially successful working in the private sector? I felt robbed of the opportunity.

For years, that cloud of sorrow lingered over my head. Then, after a year, a counselor told me
that there was nothing I could do about the past and that continuing to be resentful would only
make me sink deeper into the abyss.

She was correct. I realized I needed to shift my viewpoint and stop letting regret haunt my life.

Reminiscences keep one locked in the past. So, rather than holding onto regret, I adopted a new outlook. I chose to stop holding onto remorse and instead recognize how it may benefit rather than hinder my life.

 Three Ways to Stop Regrets From Haunting Your Life

These are the ways I chose to respond to my counselor\’s advice.

Accept I Can’t Change Yesterday

There were many instances when I wished I could go back and follow my heart. \”All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was,\” Toni Morrison wrote.

Let regrets flow like water. Like water, our memories constantly seek to return to their perfect state, but this will never happen.

Whether positive or negative, events stick with us. When something bad happens, it\’s natural for us to desire to go back to an ideal state, a place of joy and peace. As fluid as it is, water cannot return to its original state, and neither can we.

As remorseful as I am about my yesterdays, I cannot undo what happened. Reliving the scenarios adds to my anguish. Accepting what happened and moving on is the best course of action.

Moving forward can sometimes require the assistance of others.

Counseling, coaching, or medical assistance may be essential. It could mean relocating to a different neighborhood, city, state, or nation. Or it\’s possible that the resource is that one individual who has always been your biggest supporter.

Implement whatever help that will empower you to move forward with your life.

Rectify the Situation, If Possible

All regrets do not have to linger in the shadows. Although the past cannot be changed,  sometimes an apology or corrective action can lead to healing.

Attempt to communicate with the individual or persons in question. Let them know how you\’re feeling. Pay attention to what they\’re saying. They may apologize or attempt to rectify their mistakes. It\’s possible that things will work out for everyone, and you\’ll be able to move on. If the endeavor fails, the worst-case scenario is that you split up or love each other from afar.

Look for the Lesson   

Every experience, even the most difficult ones, can help us grow. Lessons can range from, \”I\’m never
doing something like that again\” to learn to trust my instincts.

Learning is one way to overcome regret.

It was difficult, but I learned to advocate for myself. Regardless of their position, I no longer allow anyone to make the final decision about my life. I also realized that another person\’s point of view is simply that: their point of view. I have the option of accepting or rejecting it.

Whenever we can change our perspective about suffering, there is always something to take away. The experience may not always be favorable, but the lessons learned can improve our lives if we apply them.

I realize that I will have regrets for the rest of my life. It\’s an inevitable aspect of life. The
satisfaction comes from knowing that I have a choice in how I respond.

The Serenity Prayer sums it up best:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I
can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

These are three ways to stop regrets from haunting your life.  Can you think of other ways? How do you respond to regret? Are you able to move on or are you always wondering about yesterday?