When Loving Family is Difficult.

By Ora Cook

As we evolve into the people God designed us to become, we will have to let go of people that are detrimental to our growth and development. But how does one do this when it is family? After all, as the saying goes, we can choose our friends, but not our family.

This is a touchy and painful situation for many people. We love our family, want to spend quality time with them, invite them into our lives and allow them to share in our transitions and growth. But, unfortunately, this is not always easy or possible. There are times when family can do more harm than good.

What is one to do? I say definitely use wisdom.  After all, responding inappropriately will only make things worse for everyone involved. You may have to be creative in finding ways to prevent your interactions with loved ones from becoming a completely negative draining experience.

There are a number of ways you can do this. Try limiting the time you spend with them. Instead of seeing them daily, visit on the weekends for a couple of hours. Or, meet them in a neutral location. I know one person who only meets her family in open public places. She says that they do not like to draw attention to themselves and therefore will not “act out” in public. It is a rough way to have to engage with love ones, but if it is the only method that works, I say go for it.

If your family is very critical about your dreams, hopes, and lifestyle, guard  what you say to them. Where is it written that you must discuss and reveal everything to your family? After all, Proverbs 4:23 tells us to “keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”

Additionally, we can learn from Joseph’s experience (Genesis 37) the importance of using discretion in what we share with family. Even though his brothers disliked him anyway because of their father’s favoritism, their hatred increased when he revealed his dream of people bowing down to him. Even his father, who loved him dearly, questioned Joseph when he revealed his second dream by saying “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall your mother and I and your brothers indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?”

Depending on your family dynamics you may have to be creative in how you engage with one another. You can still love and value each other, but may have to find unique ways to relate and spend time together.